mission #7: i’m a tearable blogger. it’s a rip off.

In my six month hiatus from the blogging world, I lost a family member that taught me some of the most poignant and defining moments in life can come through something as simple as a coffee on a porch step and a shared cigarette.

But that same woman also taught me moments don’t have to be poignant to shape who you will turn out to be. Sometimes moments of sheer ridiculousness – of laughter or general misbehaving – can become key players in who a person wants to be. So I start off the revival of this little project with a mission that is for the sheer laugh of it. A mission dedicated to tin foil tiaras, fly pints, the league of evil aunties and Auntie Sue. Thanks for bringing me back here Auntie – now, let’s have some pun shall we?

The Mission: Really Tearable Puns

Don’t tell me that you don’t crack a smile when you see a particularly good cringe worthy pun. So why not have a sign with 10 of them? And why not make 15 copies and past them  along main st at 3am over a course of 6 days on your daily walk to hasty market for a vanilla cream soda? There is no reason not to.

Surgeon General’s Warning: Plagiarism sucks. But unfortunately in the world of social media overload, hilarious ideas are often hard to source. I did not come up with this little signage of puntastic measures – it was based on a photo someone once posted somewhere on my Facebook wall. It made me laugh. I looked up new puns and ran with it. I encourage you to do the same – because it’s a hilarious waste of 30 minutes and i’m pretty sure the original creator of said little signage would high five you for your efforts.

Total Cost: Zip.

Scene of the Crime: Main St.

The Puns:

1. He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

3. What do you call a fish with no eyes?  A fsh.

4. A dwarf who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.

5. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

6. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. (*swoon*)

7. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

8. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. (*snort*)

9. I usually take steps to avoid elevators.

10. It’s not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn’t have the balls.

Riiiigggghhhhttttt? You smiled. I felt it.

Spontaneous Stranger Smiles Gained: WHO DOESN’T LIKE BAD PUNS?!

Bonus Points:  It also doubled as a poster to cover the graffiti in the bathroom at work. Kids – stop writing s&%t on bathroom walls. You don’t have to resort to announcing your presence with a sharpie anymore! You can Instagram L***** being “here” then tag it on Facebook, retweet it to the twitterverse and become the mayor of my bathroom if you do so choose.  Think about it – your grandma had to write on bathroom walls but you have so many more options! Embrace your youth in new, non-permanent ways! If you MUST announce your bowel movement or current location on a wall, please, for everyones sake: make them grammatically correct and stop ending your words with “z”. It’s ridiculous.

Learning things.

See – a ridiculous gesture led us to learn something about life. Puns, smiles and smacks upside the head – this one’s for you Auntie Sue!

Cheers – The Optimist.
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